About me, about others, about me….about how others treat me, and about how I react to others. My dating philosophy centers around being friends with someone – it’s a lot easier to be friends with someone first because I can tell pretty quick if we would get along dating – or if we so would NOT and are better as friends. However, another big tenant of my dating philosophy is based on a quote from Randy Paush, author of The Last Lecture.
“My colleague told me: “It took a long time, but I finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.” ― Randy Pausch
I’m not going to lie – that is something that has been hard for me, until this summer. And let me tell you, I can expand on that thought.
You have to pay attention to what they do…ALL the time. There was this guy who was great when it was just he and I. So intentional, respectful, and made me feel safe. But as soon as there was someone else there, I quite literally didn’t exist. As in he didn’t even acknowledge my existence on the planet. And to be honest, there were a couple of other red flags. He wasn’t always respectful. In fact, there were a couple of occasions where he was (attempting to be) downright manipulative. Yeah, that’s another thing that doesn’t go over very well with me.
But the tipping point was the whole I-didn’t-exist-in-public thing. Now I’ve been treated lousy by guys before, and I was trying to learn from that. There is a difference between holding something against a guy that someone else did, and refusing to put up with the same crap again. Fool me once, shame on you. Attempt to fool me twice, get your ass kicked to the curb for being a disrespectful jackhole.
Dudes, most of the women I know and most of the women I don’t know deserve some serious respect. Now I get wanting to play something close to the chest, not letting everyone around you know your business (if you’d bothered to find out, that’s what I would prefer too). But ignoring someone is not likely to get you anywhere (especially any of the popular “bases”). Being polite and having common courtesy (which is apparently not so common) is imperative. Without it, you just look like a douchebag who is trying his luck with a bunch of different girls at a time. Oh wait – that’s what he was doing! Apparently he also doesn’t think that a bunch of girlfriends talk to each other.
I kind of feel sorry for him. I’m a catch dammit. So are my friends that were also not putting up with the same treatment.
The real point is, I’m learning and respecting myself. If I don’t respect myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
And even better, I’m proud of myself. I saw those red flags and I did something about it. I didn’t try to explain them away, or ignore them. I checked with some friends that I trust, and I let him know that behavior wasn’t acceptable. And when he did it again, dude (whether he realizes it or not) is in the friends zone. Permanently. In fact, he’s on the downhill slope of the exit ramp OUT of the friends zone and into the “you look familiar but I don’t know why and don’t care” zone.
I might not know why he acted the way he did, but I know myself and I know that above all, I’m worth a hell of a lot more than that. And I’m going to hold out for it.