The Heart of the Father

Over the week or so I’ve been following a blog that a friend of mine from school posted.  As it is with the circle of people I know, we all share things that need prayer.  It doesn’t matter if you know the person or not, we share it and we pray.  The beauty of the love of the body of Christ is that it doesn’t matter if you know your “subject” or not – prayer is prayer and God hears every word, every cry, every non-verbal, heart-wrenching thought that is sent up to Him.

Without getting to deeply into the story, because I don’t have any tears left today, a family is now dealing with the loss of a child.  On Christmas Eve. Yes, you read that right.  So please keep the Dan & Kelly Parkins family in your heart and in your prayers. After weeks of dealing with an infant in NICU, it was time to allow the Father of us all to have His Will to be done.  His Will was to bring baby Samuel home, to give him the ultimate rest and peace.

I tend to quietly observe topics such as these.  Sometimes, I cannot adequately express my thoughts and so I pray silently from afar.  Someday when you have a chance, please go back and read Dan’s blog posts about this entire time (http://lothblogs.wordpress.com/ – you’ll have to sort through regular blogs about the church to read the “Samuel” posts).  I was astounded by the “Job” in his posts.  This was not a “curse God and die” situation for allowing his baby to be in NICU fighting for his life – this was an “I’m going to praise my Lord no matter what because that is what loving God is all about” attitude.  The beauty of the heart of this father for his struggling son opened up a window to what I feel is the beauty of the heart of the Father of Life to his Son who gave his life for the rest of us.  I have never felt so much like someone was able to convey that message as accurately as this worried father did.

Well, it seems I did have more tears left.  I grieve for this family and their loss, even though I don’t know them. In this time of celebrating family, I cannot imagine how they are feeling. And yet I know that in all of this, God the Abba Father had a distinct purpose in mind. I hope he shows Dan and Kelly what that is soon, and grants them peace and joy in this hard time.

Oy what a year…

I’m taking several days off for Christmas, packing up the SUV and heading north to all points Christmas at my parents’ house.

I’d rather their house be on my side of the border, but I’ll take what I get and enjoy the fact that I have folks to visit whenever I feel like driving 100 miles.

Hopefully at some point during my now-traditional mini-Christmas vacation I will catch up on my blogging.  So many things have happened, and not happened this year.

I still plan on a blog listing the things I noticed about my trip to Indiana – like how toilet seat covers are not standard in public places outside of Seattle.

I even want to delve into the way I have increased my friendship circle this year – a 140-character thing called Twitter (follow me @carrierae).  It’s crazy to think that I talk more to people I’ve never met than I talk to people I know here locally. That’s an even scarier thought – where did I go wrong in so many friendships? I’m the common denominator right? Am I just a really lousy judge of character?  Or is it truly that some people are in our lives only for seasons and I’m in a place of transition?

If I’m in a place of transition, what is next?

Sometimes you have to speak up

It’s been rare lately that something has struck me to the point where I immediately had to blog.  I mean really, just look at my “recent posts.” I think I’ve posted 3 times in all of 2010.

Today I saw a link on Twitter to an article about “Mike & Molly,” a TV show that I watch and enjoy.   Jethro Nededog (follow him at @TheRealJethro for entertainment scoopage) posted:  RT @zap2itrick: “Mike & Molly” creator Mark Roberts responds to the Marie Claire affair: “It makes me sad.” http://bit.ly/a44uhy

Since I like the show, I clicked the link.  I read an article posted on Zap2It’s TV blog about a different article posted on the Marie Claire magazine’s website.  There was a lot of link clicking to get back to the source!  And even the Marie Claire “blog” referenced back to another article (which I also read).  As horrific as the Marie Claire blog was, I needed the context.  And in the end, I was speechless (wordless?) by what I read.

For those that don’t know, the premise of “Mike & Molly” is about two people who meet at an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting and fall for each other.  Given their meeting place, it’s safe to say that they are of a certain body type/shape.  Molly is played by my beloved Melissa McCarthy (Sookie of Gilmore Girls) – an absolutely precious and hysterically funny comedienne who has always been a great character with no regard to her size.   I’m less familiar with the actor that plays Mike, but he’s a big boy.

I guess I’m still wordless because I cannot even begin to describe the blog on Marie Claire.  No, I’m not going to post the link – it’s not worth it.  Especially with the recent news onslaught of the tragedies that can be tied back to bullying, I cannot believe that anyone would publish that diatribe, and that the editor would approve it.  Perhaps they did it for the reaction it would generate, but considering the apology/update that was added to the bottom of the blog, I’m guessing the author was just completely clueless to the power of her words.  She actually said that she had friends that are “plump” as a way of excusing her horrific words. That’s like saying “I’m not racist, I have black friends.”  “I’m not homophobic, I have gay friends.”  Hey, I have a friend named Smith!

I feel that the environment that I was raised in was colorblind – people are just people, skin tone is nothing to me.  Along those same lines, I see no reason to discriminate or judge (as long as all opinions are respected – don’t hate on me, I won’t hate on you) based on someone’s religious choices, or their sexual orientation.  I know what I believe and I’ll respect what you believe and I’ll let God sort it all out in the end.

I feel the same way about size.  Who gives two shits about what size two actors are?  There are more people that look like them than what look like the size 0 actress, or the ripped muscled actor.  They might be slightly larger than “normal” but who determines what is “normal?”  I realize we all have the right to free speech – it’s one of the reasons I’m proud to be an American.

But really? What if this woman was put out there with her biggest imperfection magnified? The TV show doesn’t stray from fat jokes, but the crux of the show is that here is two people who are lucky enough to have found each other and now have to navigate the world of courtship amongst the standard comedic asides of crazy family and friends.  And not only that, who says that these actors think that their weight is an imperfection?  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

I watched the show and laughed more at the crazy family than the weight-centered jokes. Let me repeat myself here: WHO CARES how much they weigh? I don’t care how much I weigh so I certain don’t care how much someone on my tv weighs.  And you know what? I was actually jealous of Molly.  She has someone who cares about her, no matter what.   Personally, I think Melissa McCarthy is beautiful so who wouldn’t be crazy about her?

I can’t get over what the Marie Claire blogger said.  In a way, it’s almost a reflection of what is wrong with the world.  One person thinking that they can pass judgment on something that doesn’t matter!  Freedom matters.  Basic human rights matter (one of which is to weigh however much you damn well please).   I hope that the actors on Mike & Molly give no weight (sorry, no pun intended, no other word to choose) to that blog.

And I hope that collectively we can all grow up and realize how much words can hurt – and how much they can heal.

My Summer

I live my life pretty tight in the budget area, which means despite being a grown-up and having a grown-up job, I work really hard to pay the bills (mostly stemming from the education that got me the grown-up job).  There is not much left for fun, especially when like this year, my entire wardrobe pretty much hit the end of its useful lives and that’s not even counting how many pairs of shoes I’ll have to replace this year.

However, through the generosity of my family, I was able to take what would have been another staycation and travel to see family.  I haven’t been back east in a couple of years, and those trips were could be categorized as “required” and not necessarily by choice and were accompanied by more drama and less relaxing.  This year however, God blessed the financial situation and the trips themselves.

Trip 1 was with my mom to sherpa her bags (She has a bum shoulder/neck/back) and was to my hometown Gaylord, in Michigan to hang out with my Sanders grandparents and the various aunts, uncles, giant-tall-all-grown-up cousins, and babies that still live there.  I was even able to see my only girl cousin on that side (Liza) for a couple hours!  Now, I have Annie too, by marriage because she married Cole, Liza’s brother!  Cole and Annie have the cutest little babies which just added to the fun!

Trip 2 was to Batesville, IN-the adopted hometown of my dad’s sister & brother in law, and now my Nussbaum grandparents. I also got to see a cousin (Jake) from that side too, although it was cousin-incomplete due to college and life schedules.  I miss you Alix, Josh and Sam!  The Indiana trip was crazy buzy, totally relaxed, and thoroughly enjoyable.

Aside from visiting family, each trip was completely distinct. In Michigan we did our visiting and catching up hanging out at my grandparent’s house and at the beach of a local state park.  In Indiana, we did our visiting on the go, as we zipped from place to place “seeing the sights.”

There is no ranking one trip above the other, because they were both exactly what I needed.  The drama of previous years was forgotten and everything could be described as QUALITY TIME.

The only thing that would have made each trip better would have been to see all the missing family members.  But that’s the price we pay for growing up – we can’t all get time off at the same time!!!

Watch this same bat channel (no clue what bat time) for more stories as I sort through the pictures from both trips. And for those family members that I haven’t had a chance to visit yet, Chicago 2011 is still TBD!!!

Maybe I’m broken…

My brother says that I’m broken because I don’t react to some certain situations in what he would define as a “normal” way.  In his opinion, because I lived with a crazy person I tend to filter actions through the lens of having to deal with a crazy person that scared the crap out of me with every breath or movement.

Quite frankly, that’s possible.  I do know that I have a very low tolerance level for certain actions etc.  I definitely have a super-low tolerance for stupid people.  I’m not sure a dislike for stupid people is tied to formerly living with a crazy person, but whatever.

One thing that does make me very uncomfortable is when a girlfriend’s spouse is the one that contacts me.  I’m single, and most of my friends are married. In many cases, I’ve known both spouses for an equal amount of time.  However, when I’m friends with the wife and barely know or speak to the husband, it drives me bonkers and quite frankly gives me the heebie-jeebies when only her husband contacts me….not too mention it feels ridiculously inappropriate.

Especially when it’s “hey my wife wants to hang out.”  Well then, “Hey, tell your wife to talk to me herself.” The wife has my number, my email, my facebook, and my twitter feed is not blocked.  So why is the husband the one that always emails me? It’s not like he’s trying to ask me out – he really is wanting me to hang out with his wife.  But I’m an action kind of person.  The idea that your wife wants to hang out would be so much more believable if your wife was the one contacting me.

Is it wrong to think that I’m worth not having to go through an intermediary to contact me? Is it wrong that I want to talk to my friends and not their husbands?  If you care so much about me and want to know how I’m doing, ASK ME YOURSELF.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this situation…maybe I am broken – I mean, it does keep happening.  But quite frankly, I think I’m just fine and other people need to consider common sense and appropriate social customs.

It’s been a while…

I hadn’t realized how long it has been since I posted anything until I had to moderate a spam comment.  There have been times when I think about writing something – but it’s usually when I’m driving.  I’m assuming that if it is illegal to text and drive, then it is definitely illegal to blog and drive.  Plus, I’m still having major spelling issues with the autotype on my iphone.

Yes, I caved and bought an iphone.  A 4 to boot…My blackberry was awesome but had come to the end of its useful life.  Call me crazy, but I’m not that happy when I have to do a battery pull multiple times a day just to be able to read a text or make a call.  Not to mention that I had to pay for unlimited data usage but the browser was so crappy I couldn’t actually USE any of the data I was paying for.

Bogart is good, and so am I.  I love my job, and it makes me feel extremely satisfied.  For the last 17 months, I have had the privilege of working at Starbucks, and this September 26th will mark my 5-year anniversary with the company.  Do the math.  As with any corporation, it all depends on the department and the management.  While I had an incredible team lead who mentored the heck out of me (and still does from afar), that was it for my former life. I am now in a department that values my education, my passion, and everything that I bring to the table.  They even put up with my obsession about my dog.

Even more so, they care. I went on vacation and they missed me.  If I call in sick, someone emails to make sure I’m doing okay. When I had a horrible cold, my boss bought me puffy Kleenex because she felt so bad for my sad little red nose. I cannot tell you how much this feeling of belonging has helped me deal with things that have happened over the last few years.

For the most part though, I would not change a thing. Events in our life make us who we are.  Now, I’m still waiting to figure out what having mice in my car is helping me learn about life experiences, but that is definitely an experience and most definitely a story that I need to tell.

For now, I’m going to head for bed because I spent the day with a cranky, lousy attitude at work and my boss deserves better from me tomorrow.

Ta Ta For Now!

Points to Ponder

I Peter 1: 3 – 9

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.

 ”Can you see God? Have you ever seen Him? I’ve never seen the wind, I’ve seen the effects of the wind, but I’ve never seen the wind.” –Billy Graham

My real-life miracle: Taryn’s a momma

My friend Taryn posted this to her facebook page.  I am not sure if I’m allowed to post it, but I cannot help but share the wonder of her words.  I can’t explain her miracles, except to say that this woman is so dear to me and is such a walking example of faith in the promise and path that she felt that God put her on.  Read her mother heart and revel in the joy that God gives!!!  Follow her on twitter: hope4nica.  If you want to know more of her story, or have questions, or want to help/support Ian and Taryn, please let me know.

adoption finalization\temporary relocation to nicaragua: take 2

Today at 8:53pm

wow, so much has happened in the last few days. we have only been in nica for 4 days but it seems so much longer. we arrived midday on tuesday after an overnight layover in miami. (during which we stayed in an hotel in order to be well rested for this adventure!) our friend mike arrived an half hour before us and arranged a couple of trusted taxi’s to take the 3 of us and our seven bags (yes, SEVEN!) to their house where we were to pick up their truck that they were lending us for the next couple of days. gina and the girls were home from school so we got to visit with them a bit as well as seeing the bustamantes. its so amazing to have had as many visits and stays here as we have had because it now almost feels like coming home. to a second home, at least! what a precious gift God has given us in the wonderful people we have met over the last two years.
after visiting we were off to settle into our hotel which is something our friend katia connected us with. her friend from high school is the owner! God’s design is everywhere in this story. after trying to locate it where we had pictured it in our minds we finally asked for directions and realized we had completely the wrong idea. we had driven past the sign for it almost daily last time we were here but had not connected the two in our mind. good thing we know the area well now! the concierge at the hotel is a guy named kevin who, it turns out, speaks english. he went to university in the states on scholarship. he has done so much to help us out, its been awesome!
we have a little two bedroom bungalow complete with kitchen and bath, all furnished. we even have hot water in the shower and AC which is included in our rent! that is absolutely unheard of here. AC is always extra because electricity costs so much. internet is free too! AND, there’s a pool! woohoo, we have gone in it every day, today 2x! it is not as hot now as it was last time, and the humidity is down because it is the dry season. it has actually been pretty comfortable for managua (90′s during the day and 80′s, sometimes 70′s, at night) which was a complete surprise. its going to get hotter but at least we can ease into it.
so, we quickly unpacked and tried to organize and take stock of what we needed then headed off to pricesmart (like costco), sinsa (like home depot) and la colonial (a grocery store) we ended up going to a couple of grocery stores and the mall because you cannot always find everything you need at one location. even then we still had half a list to get!
the next day we had a meeting scheduled at the center with rina and nubia, the director of the orphanage and our lawyer. gina arranged a translator for us which ended up being our friend lester. another great surprise to see him!
so, here is the best part…..we arrived at the center and even before we could make it to the front doors the boys came running out. first gio who ran into ian’s arms and then mine. then i heard ian say: ‘taryn, watch out’ i looked up to see steven running full speed toward me, crying. he ran into my arms full force and just held on. then carlos came and i had both in my arms, clinging to me like little monkeys, chattering away. i can’t remember everything that was said but it was all very sweet and there were lots of hugs and kisses. our mutual joy just enveloped us. it was incredible.
nubia was in another meeting so we just hung out with the boys. steven showing everyone his mama and papa and the older two showing us everything new around the center and telling us everything that had been happening. gissenia told us that she had told steven about us coming the week prior and when she did he got the biggest smile on his face and said: mama, papa, giovanni, carlos, grammy?’ he totally understood what was happening and was so excited. i am sad about how things were left off last time and about the time we were away from them but i am overjoyed that the love is still there, stronger maybe, and this reunion has been the best yet.
in our meeting we discussed the next steps of the process. rina had already filled out some paperwork recommending that the foster period get started immediately and saying how good our relationships already are. this needed to be turned in before we could move forward so she saved us a week or two by getting it done early. after the meeting it was time for the boys to say their goodbyes, for good this time. we headed out, completely in shock that we had just made this huge step and it was so easy. we are a family!
we had more errands to run and the boys were troopers, albeit very excited and hyper.
the next day we had a meeting at mi familia to present ourselves as a family and talk about our already established relationship with the boys. we got to see another friend, freddy, who nubia called to translate for us. each time we see a friend it seems to comfort and strengthen us. so many are involved in this with us. it helps me to not feel alone and overwhelmed. turned out the director wasn’t in to complete the paperwork and get the foster care period started officially but the worker that was there said it was obvious we had a good relationship with the boys and they refer to us as mama and papa. she said that even though the director wasnt there it was good to see us, know we were in country and see the relationship so that once the foster period starts they can try and get it completed quickly. hopefully we will hear more next week from our lawyer about that.
after that we were off to run more errands! we had to go enroll the boys back in school, stop at the center to try and hook up with another friend, head to the bike store to get replacement parts for the boys thoroughly loved bikes and then run around getting the supplies the boys needed to go to school the next day. once again we had to go to multiple places just to buy school supplies, uniforms and new shoes. even so we only came home with one pair of pants for carlos and one shirt each-both too big. we did finally find a reasonably priced cell phone though! phew!
we had to take the truck back today and we still arent done with all our errands but i’ve got to say it was nice just relaxing (for the most part) at home today! a little semblance of normalcy is quite nice. the older boys went to school from 1-5 and steven, ian and i got to take naps for the first time since we have been here. and i had time to make dinner!
so, now we are caught up! we have really enjoyed bonding with the boys, really focusing on just loving them and having fun. bedtime has been so much fun, even though it takes awhile, because we have all just been goofing off, enjoying each others company, not ready to say goodnight.
tonight gio tickled carlos while he was swishing his mouthwash so carlos ended up spitting it all over me, himself and the mirror. usually that would not make for a happy mom, but tonight i just laughed and laughed. tonight steven wanted to lay in bed with me instead of in his pack and play. it was the sweetest thing. we smiled huge smiles at each other. he draped his arm over me or held my hand. he wasnt falling asleep so i eventually had to put him back to bed but i cherished the time to just be together. tonight carlos hugged me tight and told me he wanted to keep my head with him because he loves me with all his heart.
there is so much more, this only skims the surface of what we have been experiencing. its like nothing else we have ever experienced and i thank God for His timing and providence.

A twist on the peppermint mocha…

This year, I’ve been branching away from my traditional triple-venti-hazelnut latte (extra hot if I’m not making it).

The wonders of the peppermint mocha have caught up with me.  But as much as I dearly love Starbucks, I am not a big fan of our chocolate sauce.  It’s not because it isn’t good (it is), it is because I’m a strict Hershey’s milk chocoalte kind of girl.  Not cheap milk chocolate, but Hershey’s.  I don’t like Dove or Godiva, they are too rich for me. 

Does that mean I have to turn in my girly card?

At any rate, the recipe for the venti peppermint mocha involves a LOT of syrup and a LOT of bittersweet chocolate sauce.  Enough that by the time the espresso is in there, you have only about half the room for milk – no matter what size beverage you ordered. 

The nice thing about working in the Support Center (“corporate office” is a frowned upon term) is that we have fully stocked coffee kitchens everywhere.  And if you think “everywhere” is an exaggeration, just come visit me and get the 5 cent tour. 

I’ve been able to come up with a compromise on the store’s classic peppermint mocha recipe.  If you love the peppermint mocha taste but find it overpowering, try this (in a venti size cup or 16+ oz):

• 1 pump of vanilla
• 2 pumps of peppermint
• 2-3 pumps of chocolate sauce
• 2 shots of espresso
• extra hot steamed milk (at least 160 degrees – the chocolate & syrup tend to make the drink cool off faster)
• top with whipped cream (don’t use the chocolate sprinkles – they don’t melt and that’s a little gross to me)

If you’re in a store, and don’t want to be one of those “complicated” customers, just order your peppermint mocha “half-sweet.”  Pretty much all baristas will know you mean 1/2 the amount of syrup and 1/2 the amount of chocolate.  You’ll get the great taste without being overpowered and you shave off a bunch of calories as a bonus.

Good thing we only have peppermint syrup during the holidays.  While my new whipped-cream enhanced insulation is helping during this bizarre-for-Seattle cold snap, I do want my old hips back eventually…

Happy Friday!

Veteran’s Day…and too small a thank you.

I have veterans throughout my heritage, going all the way back to the American Revolution.  Loving my country and those who serve is a part of who I am, just as intrinsically as I love coffee or ice cream.

Hug a veteran today if you can, literally or figuratively.  Let them know that they are loved and appreciated, for they are why you have freedom.

In Flanders Fields by John McCrae

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.  Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders Fields.

The sacrifices our veterans make, even on home soil (like Fort Hood), cannot ever be forgotten and must always be remembered.

Thank you Daddy, Uncle Mark, Uncle Kent, Capt. Tim C, Lt Dennis G,  Great-Grandpa Walker (aka Grandpafather), and too many more to name.