My Great-Grandma House died a few weeks ago. Sadly, it didn’t really sink in because she was so frail and we had expected it for so long. Today I have a far more profound sense of the reality of the loss – it was always such a normal thing to have Grandma & Grandpa House and Grandma & Grandpa Sanders and Grandma & Grandpa Nussbaum (we were very creative with our grandparent names as kids). Now, the list has truly shrunk – there is no more House on my list.
Even sadder is the fact that I wasn’t very close to her. Growing up, not only were we far apart in geographical distance, but we didn’t see them (for both my Great-Grandma House and Great-Grandpa House were alive) very often and for only very short occasions.
Regardless, I loved them dearly, and one of my favorite pictures of my childhood (not that I actually remember the event) is a picture of me and Grandpa House holding up a fish that I caught….or maybe I’m drinking out of a water fountain. All I know is that it is a picture of him and I and I have always loved it. Every time I see my Grandma Sanders I see my Great-Grandma House and every time I see my mom I see my Grandma Sanders. It’s a powerful legacy I’m a part of because I look just like my mom. I’m not sure I’m ready for that responsibility.
Today, my mom sent me a letter that she wrote for her grandma’s funeral –she couldn’t go. It has brought back all of the things that I do remember about my House Great-Grandparents, things that I had sadly allowed into the cobwebs of my mind. And it gave me new insight into these people that I really didn’t know very well.
Here is her letter, titled “When a Grandma loses a Grandma.” I really wish she hadn’t sent it to me while I was working…it’s always so awkward to be bawling in a cubicle!
When a Grandma loses a Grandma – July 27, 2009
“My grandma died today. We all know she was ready, she loved Jesus, and now she is free from her body and free to be with Jesus and Grandpa. It’s a joy to know that. I’m sad, but at the same time, I’m celebrating.
I became a grandmother 5 months ago today. I don’t know how to describe how special it is to be a grandparent. I’m not sure if it’s because he is so very cute, so very sweet, or just because he’s ours. We’re all convinced… “He’s a keeper!” However, I don’t think it will hit me until the day he raises his arms up to me and says: “Grandma, I want a cookie!” …that’s when I’ll truly feel like a Grandma. Until then, I’m sure I’m too young to be a Grandma, even if I am so in awe of this little boy…especially when I watch my son’s heart beat outside of his chest with such a deep love for his son. As the Proverb says, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged.”
My grandmother probably never realized how much her life shaped mine. Many of the things I love, she loved first and she shared with me.
- Grandma loved flowers. I can still remember her lilacs, her “snowball bush,” and her orchids. I just bought an orchid a couple of weeks ago. I’ve wanted one every since I wasn’t allowed to play in the room where Grandma kept her orchids, lest we break them.
- Grandma loved birds. She fed the birds, and she loved to watch them. I remember her keeping us from getting too close to the window, lest we scare the birds away from the feeders. Now I have bird feeders, birds that I watch from the window, and a crazy parrot that lives in the house with me.
- Grandma loved chocolate. I have one of her candy dishes in my living room, and I often think of how she would let us have one candy at a time from the store; sometimes in the summer, she would even freeze a candy bar for each of us; and I used to think that was better than ice cream, sorry Dad!
- Grandma loved tea. She gave me my first cup of tea. I didn’t like it then, but I do now, especially green tea. I’m so glad she taught me to drink tea.
- Grandma loved to travel. I’ve been privileged to travel to some pretty faraway places. I was given a school assignment on my first trip – to keep a journal. I had trouble writing the first line, and I stared at the blank page for a really long time. Then I remembered Grandma’s journals of the trips she and Grandpa took. She wrote down the mileage and the highways and when they took a photograph, she wrote down the number, so she wouldn’t forget what or where it was taken (remember the slide shows in the basement under the store? I thought they would never end, but I’d give anything to hear Grandma and Grandpa tell us about the waterfalls and the cactus again!) So, I started off my journal as: “Dear Grandma…” I tried to see those far-away-places through Grandma’s eyes. I noticed the flowers, the birds, and the waterfalls. I hope Grandma enjoyed reading my journals of travels to Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, China, Indonesia and other countries.
I consider myself to be among a privileged few. When I was born, my dad’s parents were alive, my mom’s parents were alive, and my mom’s mom’s parents were alive, and my mom’s dad’s dad was alive. Our first son had great-great grandparents. And my grandma was a great-great grandma, thanks to Brody and Amos.
Of course, my mom is the world’s best grandma. I hope I grow up to be like her someday. But I have to remember, she learned how to be a grandma from my grandma and her grandma. No need to stumble around trying to figure out how to be a grandparent in our family, just amazing, strong, precious examples. Like I said, I am among a privileged few.
I have often pondered about my grandparent’s generation. They lived through an amazing century. They saw the exchange of horses for the common ownership of the automobile. Electricity was invented a long time before it reached their neck of the woods, telephones too. They were born before WWI ended, and they went through the Great Depression. World War II was a long, grueling experience for them. We take for granted things they only dreamed about. They didn’t start out with indoor bathrooms or carpet. In fact, they started off with very, very little. And, they worked very, very hard. They didn’t have much, but they had each other. While they were eking out a living, raising small children, they couldn’t have known the impact their lives would have … they created a family, a legacy … and we are it.
Grandma, thank you for everything. Thank you for your example. I can be a grandma because of you. Enjoy heaven.”
Reading this letter from my mom to her grandma makes me think of all the things in my life that have been shaped by my grandmothers, and how that came from their grandmothers. I would share them with you as my mom did but you would never get to the end of the list. Life is an amazing legacy and I’m truly honored to be part of this lineage.
